How to Get A Guy To Talk To You

by Alex on March 21, 2014

beautiful couple with megaphone

If you want to know how to get a guy to talk to you then the most important thing that you need to understand is that it has little to do with talking. The real content is with the implications. What you actually say is not as important as how you talk, how you act and how you project yourself to the opposite sex. The same thing holds true for the guy you’re trying to talk to, even if he doesn’t realize it. How he acts, smiles or talks can have a big effect on your feelings of attraction for him.

This is why pickup lines are not particularly important when it comes to hooking up with people. The words are just an excuse to let the guy hear your voice, look at you and know what’s on your mind. So when you talk to a guy, it’s not enough to choose the right words. You also need to make sure that they spark the right kinds of emotions in the guy you’re talking to. This is something that most salespersons and marketing experts understand. Talking is not about ideas, but about emotions, desires and appetites. So if you want to get a guy to talk to you, you will need more than just your words and ideas.

Unfortunately, this is not always an easy thing to do, mainly because a lot of things factor into a conversation, and the truth is that you can’t control all of them. You can’t control how the guy you’re talking to will react to what you’re saying, for example. You also can’t control how he’ll respond or what kind of rejoinders he’ll use. To a certain extent, you may not even be able to control your own reactions to the things he tells you. So don’t think that you can control everything when talking to a guy.

Instead, try to adapt to each situation as they come. Men do this all the time when they try to pick up girls, and you can do it too. Just focus on yourself and remember that it’s all about signals. So to help you talk to the guy you’re interested in, here are several tips that you may want to think about before going out to meet him.

Choose The Right Clothes

Remember what we said about implications? How you dress (including the make up you use) implies a lot of things about who you are and your value in the dating market. In a way, you should think of your clothes as your packaging. It makes you more intriguing and attractive, but it also makes you more mysterious (if you pick your clothes right), which is why you need to pick clothes which have a subtle effect on your body. This subtlety can amplify your beauty once you start talking and once that happens, you’ll be able to have an easier time getting the guy to talk to you.

Clothing and apparel have their own hidden message, and women who understand this tend to attract men more easily than women who don’t. What this means, basically, is that you can use your clothes to send certain signals to the opposite sex, signals which can tell the guy you like a lot about you even before you utter a word to him.

Choose A Relaxing Place 

Assuming that you only want casual conversation, go to a place that’s a quiet and little more relaxed. Men, like women, are more likely to be talkative if they’re talking at a relatively relaxing area. Furthermore, having a conversation at a calm place reduces the chance of being interrupted by someone. This is why it’s not a good idea to have a conversation at a noisy club or a dirty bar. It ruins the mood and makes your work twice as hard as it needs to be. So if you want him to talk to you, choose a nice setting first.

Know Your Advantages 

Aside from the talking, it’s also important for a woman to know about certain advantages that she might possess when talking to a guy. For example, most guys in stable relationships are usually possessive and will be on guard when talking to their girl. Since you’re meeting the guy for the first time, this won’t apply to you, which means that the guy will be more relaxed and more open to what you have to say.

On the other hand, if you’re already acquainted with the guy then try to remember as much as you can about him and what he likes. Also, since you already know each other, you won’t have to worry about introductions. You can start having your conversation immediately. Likewise, if the guy you’re talking to seems ready to start hitting on you then you should take advantage of that by making vague suggestions about having a relationship. This will give you a sense of mystery.

The important thing to remember about being aware of your advantages is that you can use them as leverage. If you use them correctly, you’ll have to exert less effort in how you speak and act while taking to the guy.


Finally, it’s important for you to simply relax while talking to the guy. If you’re relaxed while talking to someone you like, you’re less likely to stammer or make a mistake. Some women will be able to pull this off without too much trouble, while others will have a hard time just controlling their breathing. Don’t worry. This is normal. The best way you can avoid being nervous is to be prepared. If you do your best to be prepared then staying calm will be like reflex to you.

Women who take meditation and yoga classes know a thing or two about staying calm. The same may be said about women who’ve had a lot of relationships in the past. Experience and practice bestows certain benefits, after all. So before you go out to talk to the guy you like, try to practice a little relaxation.


Young happy couple on romantic date

Okay, let’s say that you now have a nice guy’s attention. He’s made his opening pick up line. You’ve chuckled and/or made your polite rejoinder, and now you’re both ready to have a nice conversation. The silence is a little awkward and you really want  him to talk to you in a more engaging manner. What do you do next?

Well, first of all, don’t worry. If the guy is shy and seems to be unwilling to say something then it’s up to you start the conversation. Assuming that you’re meeting the guy for the first time, it’s important to start things with something basic, simple and general. Ask him about who he is, what he does or if he’s having fun. If he gives a long or wordy answer, let him. This will give you other topics to talk about or help you understand the guy a little bit more. If, however, he only gives short, brief answers then don’t be afraid to talk a bit more. Sometimes, shy men have trouble maintaining conversations and can only join in when encouraged by others. So as long as you can get him talking, you’ll be able to get him to open up to you.

Also, remember that the point in having a conversation with a guy is to get him to open up to you, so the subject matter is secondary. Any topic that makes him open up to you is a good option for discussion, so take it easy and don’t worry too much about choosing a particular topic. If he isn’t particularly interested in what you’re talking about, change it to something else. As long as you keep him engaged, you’re on the right track.

Fortunately, there are a lot of things to talk about with a guy. Literature, politics, work or even trivial things you see around you. If that doesn’t work, you can always talk about things you saw on the internet. Again however, the topic is not important. What’s really essential is your strategy in talking to the guy in front of you and having fun while doing it. To help you do this, here are several tips that you may want to try if or when you meet someone you like.

Be Observant

Observation is good for conversation. For example, if you notice a certain affinity with technology, try to ask him about what kind of apps he likes to use. If you notice some trendy clothes, mention a few things about male fashion. If you don’t notice anything special or unusual about him then simply make some observation about the place you’re in.

When it comes to observation, your goal should be to bridge your interests with his, so only discuss topic that you are knowledgeable about. This is a trial and error process, but if you pull it off correctly, you’ll soon have a very pleasant conversation.

Be Subtle 

Women sometimes underestimate men, especially when it comes to asking things about personal matters. Issues of income, professional background, personal tastes and other interesting bits of information. Asking these kinds of questions can be construed in the wrong way, particularly by men who’ve had difficult relationships with women in the past. For example, talking about his clothes or his taste in drinks may be construed as a comment about his lifestyle or about his drinking habits, so be careful.

Aside from asking questions in a subtle way, women also need to be diplomatic about what they say. For example, if you don’t like one of his comments, don’t say anything that would make him defensive. Instead, prevent the situation from escalating by changing the topic or asking him to talk about something else.

Don’t Test Him

Sometimes, it can be really tempting to test a man or see how he reacts to certain topics. For example, a politically active woman might say something about feminism just to observe how the guy reacts to the topic. This is a mistake, however, because it will put him on the defensive. If he’s shy, he’ll hesitate even more, but if he’s aggressive, he may try to retaliate with a few barbs of his own. For example, asking him something like, “So how long have you been watching me?” or “Do you see anything you like?” may sound daring (and in some cases it does pay off), but these kinds of tactics are risky and could make things more complicated than they need to be.

Although some women enjoy having complicated moments, it can easily send the wrong messages to the guy you’re trying to talk to. So instead of talking about sensitive topics, keep things conservative until you know a little more about the guy that you’re interested in.

Talk About His Work

If you can’t get him to open up about personal matters then try to get him to open up about his job or profession. Most men enjoy talking about work because some of them really do enjoy their jobs. You don’t need to know the details, so just ask him to give you the general idea about his work and take it from there.

Men who enjoy talking about work also tend to talk about their interests more easily. So ask him about what he likes about his job or, if that doesn’t work, flatter him about it. Some guys take pride at what they do, which is a good thing because allowing him to indulge in a little of that pride can really help you understand him a bit more.

Avoid Asking Him About His Hobbies 

Talking about hobbies can be a little tricky. On the one hand, talking about hobbies is the easiest way to figure out a man’s interests and personality. However, it can also become a very boring or awkward experience if you don’t share in his interests. For example, a lot of men enjoy video games, but this is not something that some women can empathize with. On the other hand, you may enjoy hobbies that he isn’t really familiar with, such as fashion or social media. So if you want to talk about hobbies, it’s best to do it later, after you know more about the guy.


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